how to hide your tv

here.


. . .

i was just proposed to over email

by a spammer. took a page out of the ghanaian taxidrivers' book, I see. I'm still contemplating my future as Mrs. Weiss R. Bobby and haven't responded yet.

A weekend with my bonny Boston Beans yielded oh, the memories, a new love for candlepin bowling, and a mystery: what word becomes plural by adding an "a" to the front? Let me know if you know!

. . .

every time i see this: " <3 "

I always think "boobs". For instance, I would read "I <3 flan." as "I boobs flan." I hope you do too, readers, from now on. Here's why: It's the only thing that makes sense! we don't read from right to left and hearts don't start with the point. plus it makes for great mental images.

. . .

a good phrase from a boring email

"some important student lounge closings"

. . .

happy crash

I bought this glass, and its three siblings, when I was 20. I think I've hated them since I was 22. Orange juice and chocolate milk in blue glasses looks gross. The clearness of water and the whiteness of milk are lost. Someday, when I have nothing better to do, I will crash the other three, and the six small blue plates and the six large blue plates. I will crash them all. And they will look so cool all broken. Maybe I can find some way to reuse the glass. Maybe I'll make a mobile to put in the window.

In the top picture, you can see an extremely tiny me, in an orange shirt, reflected in the faucet, I just noticed.

. . .

a sense of accomplishment and virtue

RLY taught me to take pride in finishing a bottle of vitamins. It only happens once a year when you buy the big kind, with 200 suckers innit. Today, I finished my vitamins.

. . .

i want these but they cost $2K

Hidden video camera glasses. At the most recent Improv Everywhere No Pants event, this guy wore the glasses and took the video below. I think you can even get them in your prescription. And the quality's pretty good for secret. I think you just have to remember to look down a bit more than this guy did. And so stylish!



. . .

congress cooks

dotcom

plus I think Hegel's pretty cute, in a dopey sort of way, and for a senator:











. . .

i need one of those no-brain jobs

From Overheard in New York:

One Wonders Why He Doesn't Simply Represent Himself

Young black guy #1: Being a lawyer is a no-brain job. They don't have to know nothing about nothing. Just stand there.
Young black guy #2: Yeah, but I'd like to be a lawyer. I don't want to go to court or nothing, just have the title.
Young black guy #1: Most lawyers are worse than the criminals they defend.
Young black guy #2: So, what's happening with your case?
Young black guy #1: It's getting dismissed, or I'm pleading guilty or something.
Young black guy #2: Yeah?
Young black guy #1: God rest Johnnie Cochran's soul.

--Food Court, Concourse Plaza, Bronx

Overheard by: Lawyer

"It is like a smorgasbord for hair.”

Those of you without curly hair or without family members or best friends with curly hair may be unaware of the horrors of going to a haircutting place where you are subjected to interactions like this:

Haircutter with very intense things going on on her/his own head: "How do you wear it?"

Me: "Um, I don't know."

Haircutter, already exasperated: "Well, do you wear it straight or curly?"

Me: "I don't know."

SWT and experience have taught me that this means: "Do you blow-dry it out/do other crap to make it straight?" Then they often want to either thin it with thinning shears (which are like scissors made out of very sharp combs, so they only cut some hair) or, as was the case most recently with me, blow-dry it out straight, which looks, I think, horrid. Apparently there's a lot of curly hair prejudice around. This is an enigma to me.

Anyway, there's a whole article, one of the "most emailed," even, about the curly-hair phenom on the NYT. As a person newly aware of just how curly her hair is, I find the article's intense focus on "taming" the curls, in the guise of talking about how now finally it's ok to have curls, well, a little offensive. Escape the paradigm, NYT!


Oh, and there's a website, of course.
. . .

a thing i like

taking off pajamas, taking shower, putting on clean pajamas. and not having school today.
. . .

the actually amusing parts of a forward i received a while back

The subject was something dumb like "how to maintain a healthy level of insanity." I don't know why it's in all caps. maybe you have to write something in all caps periodically to maintain a healthy level of insanity.

1. AT LUNCH, SIT IN YOUR PARKED CAR WITH SUNGLASSES ON AND POINT A HAIRDRYER AT PASSING CARS. SEE IF THEY SLOW DOWN.

2. PAGE YOURSELF OVER THE INTERCOM. DON'T DISGUISE YOUR VOICE.

5. WHEN TRYING ON CLOTHES IN A DRESSING ROOM, YELL OUT "THERE IS NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE"

7. FINISH ALL YOUR SENTENCES WITH "IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE PROPHECY"

10. SPECIFY THAT YOUR DRIVE-THRU ORDER IS "TO GO"

11. SING ALONG AT THE OPERA

14. WHEN THE MONEY COMES OUT OF THE ATM, SCREAM "I WON I WON!"

oh yeah, and this too.

. . .

when your new computer's start-up noise is the same note as the first note in "nothing compares 2 u," so it's the first thing you think of in the morn

ing, you need this to be the second thing:



. . .

like a fish needs a bicycle

51% of Women Are Now Living Without Spouse

. . .

jokes made by robots, for robots, by j. alex boyd

a sample: "Waiter! Waiter! What's this robot doing in my soup?"
"It looks like he's performing human tasks twice as well, because he knows no fear or pain."

the rest
















. . .

birth of a blog, birth of a friendship

tilson and wilson do love their casa cabezas. Pictured at right is One Casa Cabeza Place, by Tilson. It has a giant tape deck installed on the second floor, I think.

and i think i love my new mac, my little friend. it's quiet and fast, just like me.















. . .

discovery

I am, for the moment, a bookswise expert on New York State discovery rules. I know what's discoverable, I know what's not, I know how to object and what's objectionable, I even know a little about the discovery of confidential settlements. yep.

. . .

ice-nine takes nebraska

see it, four pages worth of photos. look at that grass.

. . .

canada's moose competition

someday I want to go to this place. aside from its general moosey fabulosity, it has, hands down, the funniest website I have ever seen.
(props to cute overload)
. . .

blog of nations

(if you click on it it, it will be legible. and if you build it, they will come.)

. . .